Having a little success naturally puts you in the “leadership” position. I have been fortunate enough for almost 40 years now to work for myself. As a result of that alone, I get numerous inquiries about what are the “best practices” and "I must do this or that” questions. Every answer I have is not the solution to every single problem area. Often, what I have to say will not solve your situation or even moderately make it better. You must use discernment; gather a consensus from the multitudes and listen to trusted advisors.
However, there is a topic I would like to discuss with you today that I can say with total confidence and 100% certainty will cause you indescribable excruciating pain if it goes unguarded. What I am about to share is, and always has been, a monumental distraction for many people.
· Wars have been fought over it.
· Families destroyed as a result of it.
· Careers abandoned overnight because of it.
· Children maimed and scarred forever as a repercussion from it.
· Great men and women marked by shame for decades as a direct result of it.
You only had to read a couple of the examples to realize I was referring to infidelity. This is a real problem that so many people get caught up in, quite honestly, many times by accident. I’m not implying that you were innocent, or that there was not an escape, and you chose wrong. I’m just saying that perhaps your initial intentions were not to be involved, and you were lured into the abyss. Perhaps you were the perpetrator or the aggressor. Regardless, this post is not intended to cast blame. It’s intended to walk you through to the other side. This is my attempt to fire a warning shot so that you might pay attention and be better prepared.
Today, our personal relationships are very lax. The business environments are constructed with very few safeguards in place. I want to pose a few questions, and I ask that you be totally honest with yourself.
1. Are you positioning yourself to be around any individual that you shouldn’t?
2. Are you preoccupied with anyone other than your spouse?
3. Would you be totally fine with your mate reading all sent/received text & emails? Would you be ok with your spouse listening to every phone conversation?
4. Do you have thoughts of rationalizing your relationships? Do you have to justify your behavior?
5. Are you being held or are you holding someone captive with an indiscretion?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, I promise there are dangers, heartaches and personal devastations looming in the shadows. I did not say that you are doomed because you are not. I would suggest you surround yourself with a couple close friends and admit you are heading down a dark path.
It’s always better to be proactive than reactive.
I’m confident you are afraid of the unknown. You think all is good, and I will never do the wrong thing or I will not get caught. You have to listen to me; you will be exposed. Call it what you want, secret sin, indiscretion, infidelity or simply a horrific mistake, it will come to light. I don’t know how or when but this stuff always surfaces in a way that you least expect. If you are experiencing any of the listed questions, I’m suggesting that you go and get someone to help you immediately.
I would like to make a couple suggestions going forward that will keep you from having to discuss with your spouse or children things that you desperately don’t want to do.
A. Set clear boundaries that are accepted by your spouse.
B. Never eat or travel alone with a member of the opposite sex.
C. Be very careful talking about private family matters with the opposite sex.
D. Try to CC a co-worker on all text and emails when they are sent to the opposite sex.
E. Don’t put yourself in a private, compromising environment. All affairs start with an emotional connection.
F. Periodically invite your spouse to look through your phone and email account.
G. Get a few close friends that can ask you the difficult questions and hold you accountable to a high standard. I would meet with this group on a regular basis. I have been doing this for over 20 years on a weekly basis.
If you practice these steps, you will have a long-term successful marriage. As a Life and Business Coach, I spend a lot of time discussing the family. I want you to have a marriage that is second to none. Robin and I have now been married for 35 years. We have had a wonderful marriage, and we have had our share of struggles. If you keep the communication lines open and talk through everything listed above I feel with confidence you will come out a winner.
A great marriage is truly hard work but certainly worth the effort.
Live on purpose,
Aaron