How many times over the course of your life have you heard "It's none of your business"? I'll have to admit that this statement is true, most of the time. However, I feel that many times this is an inaccurate statement used to excuse and shun personal responsibility. We live in a world where community is taught, and quite honestly expected, and for that reason I feel that many personal decisions are the concern and “business” of those that are potentially impacted. We have grown to accept inaccurate statements like:
- “I am just doing my own thing, I’m not affecting you”.
- “You take care of you, and I will take care of me”.
- “I’ll ask for your opinion, if I want it”.
Let's break this down to one common example, there are countless others.
How about this?
“Because it’s simply none of your business what I do in my personal home and on my own time”.
- I'm your grown son, relaxing in my leather recliner watching the latest episode of Andy Griffith. I’m in my own apartment with my wife and three children. It just so happens to be 11:30 AM on a Wednesday morning. It’s my choice and my business, pay attention to your own affairs and stop suggesting how I spend my day.
- Its actually a great episode, it’s the one where Barney is left in charge for the day as Mayberry’s Sheriff. As I enjoy my smoke and long neck Bud, it’s shaping up to be a pretty cool day. After all, it’s my business.
- I wanted to take the kids to connect group tonight at church, but the gas in the car was a little limited and just to be candid I’m pretty tired. I elected to stay at home, we can go next week. After all, I’m in charge and it is my business how I raise my kids. It’s frankly none of your business at all. I’m an adult and I can decide what goes on in my home, it’s my business.
Fast-forward 90 days:
- Hey dad, this is a little embarrassing for me but could you spot me a loan? I don’t have the mortgage payment. I’ll pay it back, I promise.
- Mom, I get it! Yes, the children would have been better off in church rather than running with the wrong crowd. Their probation will be over in 6 months and then they can be alone. But for now, I need your help.
- Hey Eddie, I need some guidance. I don’t know how to articulate exactly how I feel right now but Sarah is contemplating leaving me. I need a counselor, direction and some money. Can you help?
The Quandary:
- How all of a sudden is this now my business?
- Dad has to forgo the family vacation for a lack of funds. Remember, the loan, the one that he was not expecting.
- Mom canceled her night out with the girls to watch your kids because they are now on probation. How can this be fair to her since it was none of her business earlier?
- And Eddie, this poor guy has been pleading with you for years to get your act together, and it’s been absolutely none of his business to meddle in your affairs. Now Eddy is scouring the paper for counselors and dipping into his savings to bail you out. How is it now all of a sudden his business and responsibility?
Make every decision with these questions in mind.
1. Is this moving my family forward in a positive direction?
2. If revealed, will these decisions bring reproach on family, my friends or me?
3. Can I honestly say, that in no way, will this choice negatively affect those around me?
I want to encourage you in one thing. Every decision affects others. As men we need to take the necessary time to “deep dive” into our inner self and explore our motives and determine our core responsibilities as a husband, dad and family member.
I have a “Personal Assessment” and “What Do I Want” document that I will give to you for free if you want it? I believe it will enlighten you and help start you on a good path. No strings attached, I just want men to make healthy decisions.
"Personal Assessment" document
Please reach out to me at Aaron@Viewfromthetop.com if I can help in any way.
Live on purpose,
Aaron
